


Rule Zero

by gth694e



Series: The Bro Code [1]
Category: Marvel, Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: #coulsonlives, Established Relationship, F/M, I do what I want ya'll, M/M, Natasha Is a Good Bro, Tony Stark is always the last to know anything, but compliant with everything else, not Audrey Nathan compliant, the Bro Code
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-02
Updated: 2015-03-02
Packaged: 2018-03-16 01:55:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3470093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gth694e/pseuds/gth694e
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rule Zero: An Avenger does not let other Avengers think someone is dead when they are not actually dead.</p>
<p>In which a meeting about leases for living in Avengers Tower doesn’t quite go according to plan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rule Zero

**Author's Note:**

> Originally this series was supposed to be one fic, but the more I brainstormed and talked to coriolana, the more it grew. So the idea is the entire series is going to be a five plus one. Five times the Avengers broke the Bro Code and one time they didn’t. This is the first occurrence, which in many ways serves as a prologue for the rest of the series. Enjoy!
> 
> Many thanks to coriolana for beta reading. All mistakes that remain are my own. :)

Natasha entered the meeting room, surprised that all the other Avengers were already present. Thor and Steve were both listening raptly to Bruce, who was apparently explaining the finer points of the original _Battlestar Galactica_. Tony was arguing with Pepper in a hushed voice over a stack of binders, while Clint slouched by himself.

Anyone else would only have seen a bored archer thumbing his phone, but Natasha recognized the melancholy in his downturned mouth and slumped shoulders.

This was not acceptable, so instead of taking her own seat, Natasha sat primly in Clint’s lap.

Without looking up, Clint snaked an arm around her waist to hold her steady. In her new spot, Natasha had a perfect view of Clint’s phone. He was texting, his thumb running across the buttons as he typed: _Miss you._

Natasha’s heart clenched.

This separation wasn’t fair to Clint. Natasha had never been on board with Phil’s “death,” but she understood. Now it was all sort of ridiculous. SHIELD had fallen, Fury was no longer in charge, there was no one stopping Phil from coming back from the dead. Except Phil himself.

And it wasn’t fair to Clint, this only seeing his husband on a few scattered days throughout the month.

“Everyone’s here!” Tony bounced to his feet. He picked up one of the binders, flashing the bold black words on the cover: OPERATION HOMEFRONT. “Take a binder.”

Tony passed them across the table. Natasha took two—one for her, one for Clint. Steve took his with confusion. “What’s this?”

“Lease agreements!” Tony said, flashing a smile that was not the sort of smile to convince Natasha that this was the kind of document she wanted to sign. She opened the binder warily.

“Lease agreements?” Pepper repeated, snagging the binder from Tony’s hands. “You didn’t run these by me.”

“I do know some things, Pep. I did run a multi-billion dollar company for like twenty years.”

Natasha refrained from pointing out that while he ran Stark Industries he had failed to notice his right hand man was selling to both sides.

“I don’t understand,” Steve said as he flipped the binder open. “I thought we were living here for free.”

“You are, oh captain, my captain,” Tony said. He leaned forward, putting his elbows on the table. “But there’s liabilities and other forms of covering our asses to be considered.”

“What Tony is trying to say,” Pepper said, putting on her _look over here at the reasonable person, not the crazy man_ face, “is that this is necessary and beneficial to both you and Tony…”

Natasha tuned out Pepper’s explanations as she flipped through the binder. For the most part, it seemed fairly standard. Nevertheless, she’d have Phil look over anything before she or Clint signed it.

Her eyes caught on a clause in the section dictating the access to the common floor.

_2.3.4.5 No liquid—whether it be stored in a jug, bottle, carton, or other container—that is kept in the communal fridge will touch the lips of an Avenger. This is what glasses are for. We are not cretins. (LOOKING AT YOU, BARTON.)_

She twisted around to Clint, showing him the binder and tapping the line for Clint to see. In return, he showed her the first page of the agreement. She had already opened her mouth to tease him for being a slow reader when she noticed the line he was pointing to: the lease agreement was between Clinton Francis Barton and the Maria Stark Foundation—not Tony.

“Pepper,” Clint interrupted. The woman—and everyone else in the room—turned her attention to Clint. “Long story short, you’re saying that if I sign this, and then one day kill Tony Stark, I still get to live in my floor of the Tower?”

“Exactly,” Pepper answered with a smile.

“Hey! No! I put a clause in there about felonies,” Tony said. “Being convicted of a felony is a valid reason to terminate the lease!”

“ _Convicted_ of a felony,” Clint repeated with a feral smile.

Tony spluttered, and Natasha flashed Clint a smile. He grinned back at her, and then turned his attention to his phone, typing in a quick message: _Think I just traumatized Tony Stark_.

The response was almost instantaneous: _That’s my boy._

Clint’s grin turned sweet, and that was it. Natasha was so done with this pointless secrecy.

Clint and Phil had been the most sickeningly in-love couple that SHIELD had. Sure, neither was  lovey dovey, but in an organization where everyone kept their secrets close to their chest, it was the small things that mattered. How Clint was the only one allowed to perch on the edge of Phil’s desk. How Phil would bring his paperwork down to the Range just so he could watch Clint practice. For the years they had been together at SHIELD, they had practically shouted their love up and down the halls of SHIELD, in their own quiet secret agent way, and now, for Clint to be here, alone, in this stupid forced secrecy...

Natasha would not allow it. Not when she could see how it was killing her partner.

“What’s this section?” Steve asked, frowning at the contract. “Section Twelve? The Bro Code?”

Bruce snorted, flipping through the pages of his contract. “10.1—a _n Avenger shall not interfere with another Avenger’s love life_.”

Natasha found the pages and read them, her eyebrows rising. “10.2— _An Avenger shall not steal another Avenger’s significant other_.”

“What is a significant other?” Thor asked.

“Jane,” Steve said. “Jane is your significant other. It’s whoever you’re—you know—in a serious relationship with.”

“I see,” Thor said. “And why would another Avenger steal her? Is kidnapping of significant others a common practice on Midgard?”

“No,” Steve said. “That’s not what this means….”

“Obviously,” Pepper interrupted, all attention turning to her. “I need to read over this contract and take out some of the more _non-standard_ clauses.” Pepper glared in Tony’s direction for good measure.

“What? It’s important we have boundaries and rules about everything if we’re going to live and work together,” Tony said, crossing his arms over his chest defensively.

Pepper ignored him, plowing forward. “But Tony’s intent here is good. If you could each read through this and notate it—let me know what you think is fair and what you think needs to be added, that would greatly help. And…”

“What about spouses?” Natasha asked.

Every head turned in her direction, surprised. Clint stiffened, his arm tightening around her.

“You mean what happens if an Avenger gets married?” Pepper asked.

“No, I mean what about the Avengers who are already married,” Natasha answered.

“Who the hell here is married?” Tony demanded. “Are you and birdbrain married and didn’t think to tell the rest of us? That should be a rule! Pepper, add it in there. People have to tell us if they’re married.”

“If an Avenger is married, we will arrange for them to co-sign everything, so both the Avenger and the spouse are equally bound by the lease agreements,” Pepper said, overcoming her own surprise. “And if an Avenger with a spouse dies, the lease would still hold for the spouse and they would be allowed to live here for the rest of their natural life.”

Behind her, Clint shifted, leaning forward and resting his forehead on Natasha’s back. “Nat,” he whispered, “what are you doing?”

“Fixing things,” Nat whispered back in Russian. She hesitated—thinking maybe, maybe she didn’t actually know what Clint wanted. “Tell me to stop and I will.”

“He’s gonna kill us,” Clint said in response, and Natasha took that for the permission it was. “But if we’re going to do this…let’s make it fun.”

Natasha smiled. This was why she loved Clint Barton.

“No, seriously, are you two married?” Tony demanded, pointing at them. “Not that I’m surprised, but I really feel like this is something you should’ve shared with the team.”

“I’m not married to Natasha,” Clint said, resting his chin on Natasha’s shoulder so he could see Tony.

“But you are…married?” Steve sat back in his chair and folded his arms, brow furrowed.

“Well, yeah,” Clint said. “For ten years.”

“I do not understand why you have not shared this felicitous news,” Thor said. “To be married is a great joy and blessing! Why have you kept your mate from us?”

“I haven’t…I….it’s complicated.”

“You’ve been married for ten years? We’ve known you for two!,” Tony was staring at Clint as if he’d suddenly grown a second head. “Where are you hiding this wife? Are you ashamed of us? Are you ashamed of her?” His eyes darted to Pepper, and a panicked look crossed his face. “Wait. Is she one of my exes? Because, uh, I’m not—I really—not—“

“I’m not ashamed of anyone,” Clint snapped, his arm once again tightening around Natasha, his fingers digging into her side. Natasha reached down and patted his arm comfortingly, and he relaxed his grip.

“You’ve actually met Clint’s spouse,” Natasha said helpfully. Or not so helpfully by the way Clint sighed and Tony stiffened, his look of panic evolving smoothly into terror as he leaned away from Pepper.

Questions erupted from everywhere, until Pepper stood, silencing everyone. She turned her gaze to Clint—somehow managing to be both flinty and compassionate. Natasha noted it for future use.

“Clint,” Pepper said. “The purpose of this meeting was not to force you to expose your family. I for one can understand why a person might be afraid their loved ones would be endangered by merely knowing us. Lord knows my relationship with Tony has been used by villains.” Tony didn’t even protest. He just shrugged helplessly.

“We would never force you to move in or to bring anyone who would be uncomfortable here,” Pepper continued, “but I want you to know that I am doing everything in my power to make this Tower safe and family friendly. If your wife moved in, she would be welcomed by all and treated with respect. That said, you are under no obligation to move in here and I would understand if you did not want to.”

Silence followed her declaration, and Natasha couldn’t help the small smile that tugged her lips. She squeezed Clint’s arm. They could trust these people.  They needed to trust these people.

Steve had taught her that.

As if bidden by her thoughts, Captain America himself spoke, “Well said, Ms. Potts. I think I speak for all Avengers when I say we completely agree. Clint, your wife would be part of our family if she moved here, though like Ms. Potts said, I understand why…”

“He’s not a wife,” Clint suddenly blurted, his body stiff. Tony’s jaw dropped but no one else seemed fazed. “He’s a husband. I have a husband.”

“Husband, wife, either way,” Pepper said, waving her hand dismissively as she sat down. “He would still be welcome here.”

“Look, Katniss, I am shocked, truly shocked, that anyone agreed to marry you and I feel I must meet this person who has the patience of a saint,” Tony said. Natasha shot him a glare. He didn’t—couldn’t—know about Clint’s crippling self-doubts, couldn’t know how light teasing could bring all those problems forth. If they were going to do this, move in to the Tower, Natasha would have to have a talk with him.

“But regardless if you move in or not, if you want your husband to be able to come here at all, for him to be allowed to visit and enter the Tower, you need to put his name down on the list on page twelve so JARVIS can be aware that when this person with the patience of a saint arrives, he will be let up to the top of the Tower.”

“Actually sir,” JARVIS interrupted, effectively silencing Tony, “Mr. Barton’s spouse previously had access to all levels of the Tower.”

Once again everyone’s gaze turned to Clint.  Natasha shrugged. “I said you’d already met him.”

“Previously had access?” Tony asked the ceiling.

JARVIS hesitated, an audible click on the line. “Sir,” JARVIS said slowly. “It was my understanding that Mr. Barton was widowed.”

Natasha saw the moment JARVIS’s words clicked in Tony’s head. One minute his brow was contorted in confusion and the next his jaw dropped. “YOU!” Tony exclaimed, standing, pointing wildly at Clint. “YOU ARE THE CELLIST?”

“Technically, Kate is the cellist,” Clint answered.

“Kate?” Steve looked confused. “Who’s Kate?”

“My step-daughter,” Clint explained.

Pin drop.

“I don’t understand,” Pepper said. “If you were married to Coulson why are you concerned about living arrangements for your spouse?”

“Coulson?” Steve repeated, eyes wide, as if he thought there was a chance they were talking about a _different_ Coulson and simply hadn't told him.

“Why indeed?” Natasha asked airily.

“SON OF A BITCH,” Tony exclaimed, slamming his hands down on the table as he stood, his dark eyes maniacal. “Coulson’s alive?”

Clint sighed, his head clunking back onto his seat. “Yeah.”

“No. NO. NO,” Tony said, his hands slamming down on the table as he jumped to his feet “Friends do not let friends think friends are dead. That’s just…that’s not okay. Do you know how much therapy I went to?”

“Talking to me doesn’t count as therapy,” Bruce pointed out. “I’m not that kind of doctor.”

“FINE. Do you know how much therapy I _needed_?” Tony demanded. He ran his hands through his hair, making it wildly stand on end. “This is not okay. No. I, Pepper, add it in the Bro Code. I didn’t think this needed to be a rule, I thought it was understood, but apparently not. But add it as, I don’t know, rule zero.”

“Add what, Tony?” Pepper asked, still pale and distracted by the bomb Clint just dropped.

“Rule Zero of the Bro Code! An Avenger does not let another Avenger think that someone is fucking dead!”

“Oh, well,” Steve said, looking up. The glint of mischief as he met Natasha's eyes told her what he was going to say before he spoke. “In that case, Nick Fury is alive.”

“SON OF A BITCH.” Tony threw his binder across the room. It exploded apart against the wall. “That’s it. I’m done.” The engineer stalked out of the room, slamming the door behind him, which did nothing to muffle his shout, “DOES NOBODY REALLY DIE ANYMORE?”

“You think he would be happier his comrades are still alive,” Thor said with a frown.

Pepper rose to her feet with a sad smile. “He is happy, Thor. He’s just hurt. I’ll go…”

“No, let me talk to him,” Bruce said, rising to his feet. Pepper nodded, and the scientist quickly made his exit.

“Well on that note, I guess this meeting is over,” Pepper said. She glanced in Clint’s direction, her smile disappearing into a frosty glare. “And Clint?”

“Yes, ma’am?” Clint’s arm clenched around Natasha.

“Tell your husband I expect a call before the end of the day explaining himself. Tell him I thought we were friends.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Clint replied. Then he buried his face in Natasha’s back, and she could feel the smile on his lips as it ghosted across her skin.

Natasha smiled. Phil was going to be in so much trouble. And she didn’t care. Because Clint was happy again.

And Tony—for once—was right.

Friends did not let friends think they were dead.

**Author's Note:**

> Next up: Rule 1
> 
> An Avenger does not interfere in another Avenger’s love life.


End file.
